


Love Somebody Like You

by tsonlu (undenanable)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Creative Director Renjun, M/M, Programmer/Animator Jaemin, Renmin Slow Burn, Slow Burn, slight mentions of past cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 20:26:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18198914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undenanable/pseuds/tsonlu
Summary: Renjun can never understand why Jaemin is so adamant to pursue him. Time and time again, he tells Jaemin that he can't give him what he wants, what he really needs.But Jaemin tells Renjun he'll wait. Even when conflicts arise, he'll wait because Renjun is worth it.(An au wherein Renjun is a creative director of a creative solutions company, and Jaemin is their animator/programmer)





	Love Somebody Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Renjun!
> 
> I started writing this last September of 2018 and I managed to finally finish it. Somewhat. Perhaps, I'm making this into a series, but I'm still contemplating on that. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I haven't formally worked at an advertising firm yet, so there may be inaccuracies as to how I depicted the office life here. I tried my best to keep it as close as I possibly can (?)
> 
> The title of the story is from the song by Joan of the same name. [ Love Somebody Like You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2aznsqF4lk)

 

 

 

The first time Jaemin confessed to Renjun, the boy merely smiled, almost as if he didn’t believe Jaemin was being serious. Like he didn’t want Jaemin to be serious about it.

 

“I’m the worst person for you to fall for, Na Jaemin,” he told Jaemin, shutting him down before everything ever even began.

 

But still, Jaemin could never shake the fact that Renjun had eyes shining brighter than the stars when they talked late at night after overtime or when they spent the night at Renjun’s apartment after finishing a project and had conversations over hot drinks - Jasmine tea for Renjun and roasted coffee for Jaemin. After all the stress and the demands being pushed upon both of them, especially Renjun, Jaemin would never trade these moments for anything.

 

Then, there are moments of subtle intimacy with Renjun resting beside Jaemin as they lay on the couch on weekends, the boy’s face buried on Jaemin’s chest as they hold each other close. He and Renjun would wake up at twelve noon when the sun was already at its highest and their stomachs were already grumbling, begging for lunch.

 

But they’d stay in each other’s arms for a while, listening to the ambiance of Renjun’s apartment as they whisper little nothings to one another only they knew about.

 

“How is it legal that you’re this adorable so early in the morning, Injunie” Jaemin was consistent in his morning compliments, only letting Renjun indulge when they weren’t around the eyes of their colleagues.

 

At work, Jaemin and Renjun were a bickering mess.

 

Renjun, being the uptight creative director of Dream Creative Studios, was always the most feared among their department. He would never shy away from spewing his distaste or dissatisfaction with anyone half-assing an output but of course, commended anyone who deserved it. Jaemin, on the other hand, wasn’t afraid to show his annoyance at Renjun’s obvious dissatisfaction or when the boy tried to push through with concepts Jaemin would argue was not possible for them. They would always butt heads, Jaemin being the only one in the creative department who could talk back to Renjun.

 

But when Jaemin and Renjun were alone and cuddling in Renjun’s apartment, Jaemin thought he was the most precious little treasure in the entire world. The sight of Renjun’s adorable sleepy state was a side he had for himself — these were his moments of pure bliss.

 

“How is it possible that you're always insisting to sleep on the couch with me when I said you could take my bed,” little do people know that even if Renjun was ruthless when it came to working, his heart is always in the right place. He was earnest and always so sure of himself when it came to his work. As much as his passion managed to push Jaemin the wrong way at times, his admiration for the Renjun’s fierce conviction about getting the right output had Jaemin on his feet.

 

“I always take what I can get from you I guess..” Jaemin replied. The atmosphere grew a bit dimmer as Renjun forced a smile on his lips.

 

“Take what you can get, so you’ll leave me with nothing. Is that how it is?” Even when Renjun had turned down Jaemin before, somehow, the boy still allowed Jaemin to have the pleasure of holding him in this kind of proximity. He’d let Jaemin steal feathery kisses on his cheek every now and then. Sometimes, he’d allow it on the lips, and it didn’t help that Renjun would taste like sweet candy when it happened. Sometimes, even tea.

 

But they never put a label on each other. Friendship? A relationship? It was definitely ambiguous, something Jaemin wanted to explore. However, Renjun wasn’t willing to dive into with him.

 

“I’ll take what I can get and you can take from me, too. You do know you have all of me, Injun” Renjun’s eyes were unreadable, clasping Jaemin’s hand and placing them on his cheek.

 

“Use me all you want, Jaemin.” there was an evident sadness in Renjun’s eyes. Jaemin ached at the thought that not even his affections could take away the pain Renjun felt inside. “I’ll give you permission to. But I don’t want you to expect more from me because I’ll only hurt you.”

 

* * *

 

 

The last time Renjun saw his ex-boyfriend was when they agreed to go separate ways after two years of being together. The man before him was his soulmate, that’s what he Renjun believed when he was eighteen and naive. Now, fate had a way of reopening scars because there he was again, looking as flawless as ever, illuminating the room with his presence like the sun that Renjun always said he was. Donghyuck greeted him with a curt smile and managed to make Renjun’s heart skip a few beats. It had been three years since they last saw each other. But to Renjun, it felt like only yesterday when he had to confront the love of his life and pay for his mistakes.

 

“Hey Hyuck, it’s nice to see you again,” Renjun felt like his throat was dry, feeling extremely nervous. When Yukhei said he would be meeting the marketing executive of 127 Enterprises, he failed to mention that the man he would be meeting was, in fact, his ex.

 

“You too, Renjun. You really made a name for yourself, huh? Our boss said Dream Creative Studios really had to be the one planning the campaign for the new product because the creative director was a genius.” Renjun knew that what Donghyuck was merely doing was pleasantries. But even so, rather than display his usual playful persona, he had a more mature, business vibe to him that made him all the more appealing. He wondered if Donghyuck already had someone else.

 

“Nah, I’m just lucky I have a very capable team. If it wasn’t for them, our studio wouldn’t have been recognized,” Renjun felt like he almost choked when he saw Donghyuck smile at him. Gosh, it had been years since he saw that genuine smile directed at him for any of his surprising statements. His heart grew weak.

 

“You’ve really changed these past few years. I didn’t expect you to give them that much credit,” Donghyuck replied. “But anyway, I know you’re a busy man and I won’t hold you long. So, let’s discuss the plans for the campaign.”

 

Renjun decided to record on his phone, just in case he gets too distracted at the fact that Donghyuck was right beside him again. He took down notes on main points as well, trying to keep his head in the game and asking a couple of questions to get ideas on how to go about their project.

 

It was a challenge, the biggest one ever since Renjun started working as a creative director.

 

* * *

 

 

“So you mean to tell me Renjun is meeting his ex, but you didn’t tell him. And now you’re scared for your life,” Jaemin reiterated at a panicking Yukhei who feared for his days at the office.

 

“He’s probably going to ask Ten hyung to raise my quota for accounts,” Yukhei stuttered.

 

“You’re probably never going to see the light of day, but we been knew,” Jeno commented, preoccupied in his mobile game to pay full attention to the two. The three of them were the only ones left at the office when the rest of the team were out buying lunch. They stayed in the pantry as they waited for break time to pass before Jeno and Yukhei would be on their way to meet a client for a fashion brand and Jaemin would finish programming the mobile application they were planning to send to a gaming company client later that afternoon.

 

“What’s taking Injun so long though?,” Jaemin sounded anxious while sipping his tall Americano and sighing. “You think they’re rekindling their romance or some shit?”

 

“Maybe, who knows? Donghyuck is Renjun’s soulmate apparently. That’s basically what they called themselves when they were still together,” said Jeno, glancing at Jaemin before returning to his game. “But then, Renjun’s been beating himself up after the split so I don’t think he’s smart enough to move past it.”

 

“How bad was the split anyway?” Yukhei asked this time. But Jeno took a while to respond to them, even pausing his game to look at the both of them.

 

“Not my story to tell,” Jeno stood up and gave Yukhei’s shoulder a light tap. “Come on, Xuxi. Time to get to work. The place you’re going to is a bit far from here,” said Jeno, leaving the pantry with Yukhei trailing behind him. “See you, Jaemin!”

 

* * *

 

 

Once office hours were done, Jaemin and Renjun were the last people in the office again with Renjun finishing his presentation for tomorrow’s pitch and Jaemin sleeping on their sofa. Even when Jaemin didn’t have anything left to do, he would always wait for Renjun to finish working so they would grab dinner together. When Renjun finished, he organized his things then nudged Jaemin on the sofa to wake up.

 

The night before, he and Jaemin had been working on the finishing touches on the gaming app for a client. One of the interns, Chenle, had excelled on doing his part on making the character design and animating their movements while Jaemin and the other intern, Jisung, worked on the actual gameplay. When Na Jaemin, an honors graduate from SMU majoring in Gaming Technology, was recommended to work for their company, Renjun expected him to be some quiet introvert whom he would have a hard time communicating with.

 

Instead, the boy that came was someone full of life, a person he could easily talk to during down times and someone who would put him in his place whenever the need came up.

 

“Hey Jaemin, I’m done,” said Renjun, tapping Jaemin’s arm once more to wake him up.

 

Jaemin groaned in response, stretching his arms wide and saying, “Injunie, hug me first!”

 

Renjun hesitated, thinking how ridiculous Jaemin was being when he was already a grown man at twenty-three. But Renjun, who was never really able to resist Jaemin’s offer for therapeutic hugs, was weak and decided to give in to the request and took off his shoes to lie down on top of the other boy, burying his face on Jaemin’s shoulder. “Ugh, I’m so tired. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow,” Renjun whined, nuzzling against Jaemin’s neck and getting a whiff of the familiar scent of coconut and milk.

 

“Maybe we shouldn’t,” Jaemin chuckled, wrapping his arms around Renjun’s smaller frame. Normally, they would stay close to each other when they were all alone inside the office, knowing not a soul would be in sight anymore. It was just them, and the dimly lit office and the sound of music filling the air. “Hey Injun, how was your meeting with your ex?” As much as Jaemin knew it wasn’t any of his business, given that he and Renjun weren’t even together, he still couldn’t hide his curiosity — his anxiousness.

 

Renjun lifted himself up to face Jaemin, looking curious as their eyes meet. “Why are you asking?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m worried at the fact that you two might get back together? Jeno said you two were soulmates or something,” Jaemin wasn’t sure what kind of reply he expected from Renjun. However, he was caught off guard seeing the latter laugh it off like it wasn’t a big a deal. It probably wasn’t. It was probably all in Jaemin’s head.

 

“No, Jaemin. After all the shit I put Donghyuck through, he’s never coming back to me. He isn’t stupid enough to come back to me,” there was something bitter about Renjun’s tone, the way his mouth quirks into a smile but he looks like he’s on the verge of crumbling. Jaemin wondered if this morning’s encounter had awoken all the pain that Renjun had felt before.

 

“Baby, I don’t understand.”

 

“I hurt him, Jaemin. I cheated on him. I cheated on the love of my life. That’s why he’s never coming back to me. And if you were as smart as people say you are, then now you know it’s best for you to stay away from me.” Renjun was shaking, his beautiful bright eyes glassy as a stray tear fell and then followed by another. “I’ll only hurt you, just like I did with Donghyuck!”

 

“Renjunie,” Jaemin whispered, placing his hand on the back of Renjun’s head and gently pushing it so the boy’s forehead is against his. He hushes him, wiping away the tears that stained his cheeks with his thumb. “Your mistakes don’t define who you are. The person I fell in love with may have made a mistake with the person he believed was his soulmate, but the person I fell in love with has his heart in the right place too. At that time, maybe his judgment had been clouded. But now, he’s grown up. When he says something nice, you know it's not bullshit. I fell in love with who you are now, and if the label you brought with you from your past becomes too heavy, I’ll remind you every day that you are no longer that person.” He planted a soft kiss on Renjun’s lips, tasting the salt and fear that came with it. Jaemin wasn’t one to pick up anyone’s pieces, but for Renjun, he thought that maybe the boy was worth it.

 

“What if I’ll only disappoint you?” Renjun whispered back as their lips parted. “What if I’ll do it again? Fuck, Jaemin you don’t know how scared I am of me, of you and like what you’re doing to me..”

 

They stay silent for a while as Renjun buried his face against Jaemin’s chest, staining his printed black t-shirt. “I don’t know what will happen afterward, but what I do know is that if you feel remorse for what you’ve done, it doesn’t really make you a bad person. Rather than thinking about the possibility of you doing it again, I’m thinking of how you’re more than your past your mistakes, that you’re better than you once were.” He stroke Renjun’s hair, fingers combing through its soft locks and his nose nuzzling against the top of his head. “I can’t fix you, but I’ll be here waiting ‘til you’re ready to have me and take me as I am.”

 

“You’re an idiot,” Renjun murmured, but the tears that followed after were no longer of sadness but how happy he was about Jaemin’s words.

 

 

* * *

 

 

They have dinner afterward at a fast food restaurant before they parted ways. Renjun insisted that he wanted time for himself to which Jaemin respected.

 

They didn't kiss each other goodbye then. What was left was only a smile and an unsaid feeling of contentment, a bittersweet ending to this afternoon’s reunion.

 

As Renjun made his way home, images of Donghyuck flashed once again — the memories, the promises, the “I love yous” they had that all shattered just because of one fatal mistake Renjun made. He thought that it had mended when Jaemin told him he would accept him for the way he was.

 

But still, there was a lingering guilt dwelling inside. There would always still be that nail, binding the label of his sins that made him feel he wasn’t worthy of happiness. Not when he did something so, so awful.

 

That night, Renjun arrived at his apartment, crying until his tears dried up. Once he got a hold of his laptop, he ignored Jaemin’s message and watched random vine compilations until he fell asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jaemin arrived at the studio next day, caffeine at hand, ready to start the next project proposed the day before, when Ten, one of their heads, dragged him aside and led Jaemin inside his office. “Uhm sir,” as nice as Ten was half of the time, Jaemin knew that if it came down to serious business, he was to be feared. He bit his lips nervously, trying to think of anything he might have done to piss off his boss. “Is there anything wrong?”

 

Ten left Jaemin to stand up in front of his desk while he, himself, sat down on his chair. He wasn’t smiling, which meant it wasn’t good.

 

“First of all, you and Renjun, huh?” When Ten and their other head, Johnny, discussed the rules in the office a few days before he came in, they never mentioned that it wasn’t allowed to date a co-worker. But somehow, Jaemin grew nervous, thinking how pursuing Renjun probably didn’t sit well with Ten, especially since Renjun is one of his most prized talents.

 

“Uhm, no sir. Well, not yet I guess..” Jaemin replied.

 

“Look, I heard from Lucas about Renjun meeting his ex, okay? And Renjun and I, at one point, talked about his ex in the past, so working with Hyuck might still be hard on him. I know you have a thing for Renjun, but I don’t want you messing with him. You’ve been here for six months, and from what I’ve observed, you seem like a sincere young man. But Renjun’s been making a name for himself and I’m afraid that if he lets this situation get the best of him, he’s only going to regret it.”

 

Jaemin was relieved that Ten was merely narrating his fondness for Renjun rather than reprimanding him to stay away from the boy. He eased his chest, letting out a sigh before giving his response to his boss, “I’m pretty sure Renjun is capable of handling himself and his feelings,” That’s why I’m completely gone for him, he wanted to add. “But I won’t do anything out of line, I promise, boss”

 

Ten wasn't fully convinced but decided to let him off instead. It was a busy day and Jaemin had way too many tasks for the day to be discussing feelings.

 

“Okay, you’re dismissed,” Ten told him.

 

But before he could make his way out the door, his boss added, “Oh and make sure when you and Renjun get too intimate, it’s in places where our CCTV can’t see you,” leaving Jaemin blushing as he made his way to his station.

 

* * *

 

 

After days of planning 127 Enterprise’s new product campaign, Renjun and Donghyuck planned to meet again. This time, they decided to meet at a restaurant on a Saturday afternoon. Even when he had finished making the proposal earlier, Renjun still couldn’t sleep. The tight knot inside his chest which he thought that went away years ago came back to haunt him. He looked through their old photos, reminiscing on the moments they were happy when he thought Donghyuck was going to be his end game. Renjun never bothered to delete the photos. He never had the heart to.

 

Before fate decided they would cross paths once more, Renjun would occasionally go through the gallery, hoping and praying he could have a chance to turn back time and make things right between them.

 

A couple of minutes later, Jaemin’s name popped out of his screen with a message saying he was outside the front door.

 

**[Renjun] 10:50**

Why?

 

**[Jaemin] 10:50**

I wanted to see you

 

**[Renjun] 10:51**

We don’t have a project together, Jaemin. You don’t have a reason to be in my apartment.

 

**[Jaemin] 10:51**

That sucks, even with your favorite tea and some snacks?

 

Renjun groaned at his last reply and decided to just let Jaemin in. Not because of the tea or the snacks he bought, but because he felt guilty if he had let Jaemin stay outside any longer when he went through all the trouble to get him snacks. Once he opened the door for the boy, he was greeted by one of his endearing smiles and plastic full of snacks. “I saw your emo twitter post and thought I should come by to cheer you up,” Jaemin said as he entered the apartment.

 

“You know you don’t have to do that,” Renjun pointed out, frowning. “You could have been sleeping. It’s not every day you have a chance to get out of work early.”

 

“But I wanted to,” Jaemin replied while making his way to the kitchen to lay out the snacks on the table and prepare their hot beverages. “I was worried about you. I heard you’re meeting your ex tomorrow for the proposal.”

 

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Renjun closed the door shut and locked it before following Jaemin to the kitchen. “It’s not like I’ll mope about it.”

 

“So what did you mean when you said ‘I’ll make this right this time’ on Twitter?” Jaemin asked as he poured hot water on both mugs containing tea and coffee.

 

It must have been the stress or the way he didn’t like Jaemin prying so much into his business, but there were times they boy was acting way out of line that Renjun got scared at how, slowly, he knew that he was slowly getting invested in their (non-existent) relationship. It was a mix of something ugly and annoyance, all because of utter fear.

 

“It means it’s none of your business.” Renjun’s tone came out bitter and his heart clenched seeing the worried look on Jaemin’s face.

 

“Did I do anything wrong, Injun? I’m sorry I just wanted to-” Renjun cut Jaemin off immediately, all his frustration, his fears, it was all too overwhelming that he didn’t have control over the words he was speaking.

 

“Just mind your own business, Jaemin.” There was silence. He and Jaemin would argue at the office but it never came to a point where the tension was this high. The soft expression on the boy’s face had now faded, leaving him looking devoid of any sort of feeling.

 

“What’s with the attitude, Renjun? I’m only trying to help. I didn’t mean to pry. I only wanted to make you feel better, that’s all” Jaemin’s voice was a little higher this time, like he wasn't willing to back down from the fight. It was only fueling the parts of Renjun that were so unsure, the weakness in him that he’s been trying so desperately to hide.

 

“Please stop this. Coming to my house, doing all this? You’re trying to get under my skin, Jaemin. I already told you, it’s not happening”

 

“Renjun-”

 

Renjun didn’t want to look at Jaemin. He knew that if he did, he, himself, would crumble. “I can’t do this with you anymore. I can’t pretend like you being with me is okay. Like doing all these things with you is okay. It’s not. Not when you deserve someone better than me.”

 

Rather than anger, there was hurt written all over his face as he stormed out of the kitchen.

 

“Wait, Jaemin-” Renjun quickly followed him, pulling him by the arm frantically and regretting his decision for driving him away. It was all on impulse, and he wasn’t sure why he did it after all the words that just came out of his mouth.

 

“You know what, you’re right. I’m sorry for giving a fuck. I also can’t deal with your ‘you deserve better’ bullshit, alright? Is this your excuse just so you can win back your soulmate?” Jaemin tried pulling his arm off of Renjun’s hold, but the boy wasn’t letting him go.

 

“It isn’t like that. You don’t understand!” Renjun cried.

 

“You won’t make me understand, Renjun!” The way Jaemin said his name with a harsh sort of impact made Renjun ache. “I’m sorry I cared, okay? I’m sorry I wanted to make you see that you’re giving yourself way too little credit than you deserve. I’m sorry I’m the idiot who’s waiting for you to look at me when you clearly still have your heart with someone else. So you know, joke’s on me, huh?” Renjun loosened his hold on Jaemin after his outburst, giving Jaemin the chance to walk out the door without looking back.

 

He had half a mind to let him stay, to take it all back.

 

But he didn’t.

 

Renjun stayed glued in place watching as the boy he grew to tragically love walk away hurt because of what he had said.

 

He had let Jaemin go just like that when he went out of his way in coming to his apartment late at night to cheer him up. Instead, Renjun decided to just steer clear of him for good, for the better.

 

Jaemin must have felt like a rag doll, always trying to give him affections, and Renjun, being so, so rotten, took advantage of him.

 

The tears just wouldn’t stop, and in spite of himself, a tiny part of Renjun wished that Jaemin would walk straight back to his apartment. He wished he could take back what he had said. They’d be able to talk it out. Jaemin would have coffee and Renjun would have tea. And then they would stay on Renjun’s couch and hold each other close, like on days after tight deadlines.

 

Why did you have to treat me this way, Na Jaemin?

 

That night, Renjun didn’t touch the two mugs that Jaemin had prepared for them. The snacks were still scattered on his table as he went back to bed and continued to cry himself to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Renjun arrived at his meeting place with Donghyuck, he looked awful. His eyes were still puffy from crying and he felt like shit, remembering what he had done to Jaemin. Rather than look decent to impress, he decided to go casual and wear a pair of faded jeans tattered in the front, a white- printed shirt and sneakers. Not his usual business look, but if he still knew Donghyuck the way he did during college, the latter probably didn’t mind.

 

They planned to meet up at two in the afternoon at a cafe near the district Donghyuck lived in, but the man was still nowhere in sight. So he still has the habit of being late, huh? Renjun thought.

 

A couple of minutes later, Donghyuck arrived, looking dressed for an actual meeting, wearing a white button-down shirt with form-fitting slacks and designer shoes. Gosh, he still looked breathtaking, Renjun thought. If he knew Donghyuck would look this immaculate, he would have taken the time to dress up better as well.

 

“Hey,” Renjun greeted him as Donghyuck situated himself on the seat empty seat.

 

“Hey stranger,” Donghyuck quirked his lips into a teasing smile, “rough night?”

 

“Yeah, you can say that,” Renjun didn’t bother to reply with any witty remark. He just wasn’t feeling it, and he felt even worse for presenting himself horribly in front of a client, just because he thought they knew each other personally. It usually wasn’t like him to be this unprofessional. “Sorry, I didn’t dress up for the meeting. I had to finish a couple of projects and most of my decent business attires were in the laundry. I still have to go to the washers later,” it was a poor excuse, but he hoped Donghyuck would buy it either way.

 

“It’s fine, I’m only dressing up because I’m meeting with the company’s COO for dinner,” Donghyuck replied.

 

“A date?” asked Renjun.

 

“I wish,” Donghyuck chuckled. “Anyway, how have you been?”

 

“I thought we were talking business, not pleasure,” Renjun just wanted to get it over with so he could go back to his apartment and mope some more. It was nice seeing Donghyuck, being reminded of how beautiful he is and everything. But Renjun was exhausted. And having feelings he couldn’t understand while putting up a business front was extremely draining.

 

But Donghyuck looked expectant like he knew Renjun would give in to him. Sadly, he did. “I’m fine. The usual I guess. I’m just focusing on my job and other projects I can get a hold of. Nothing interesting. You?”

 

“Same, it’s been a routine. But the job is fun, I love the people I work with,” Anyone would probably get along with Donghyuck. Even when Renjun, who wasn’t keen on letting people break down his walls, burst his way in easily. Donghyuck was definitely magnetic in that sense. “Are you seeing anyone?”

 

The question caught Renjun off guard. He never imagined Donghyuck would be interested in his love life, not after the pain he’s caused. After their break up, Renjun felt like he didn’t have the right to have happiness in another person. “No,” Renjun replied. “Look Hyuck, I know I already apologized two years ago, but I really still want to apologize. Back then, I didn’t know how to explain my decisions to you because it all be just an excuse. But now, I wanted to tell you it was because I was scared. I was scared of how you were starting to feel like a permanent fixture in my life that when you’d leave me when you think I wasn’t that great, I’d be so devastated. That’s why I did what I did. I didn’t want you to hurt me first. I wanted to prove to myself that-”

 

“Stop-” Donghyuck cut him off. “I didn’t come here to bring up your past mistake, Renjun. What you did, I get it. I’ve forgiven you for it. Sure, it hurt. I really loved you, you know? But I don’t hold it against you.”

 

“I just-” Renjun could no longer conjure up the words he wanted to say. Last time they met at a cafe, it was when Donghyuck called it off and Renjun just sat on his seat even as the love of his life walked away. “I love you, Hyuck. Loved, I mean..I don’t know.” Renjun groaned, feeling frustrated as he suddenly thought of Jaemin and his figure leaving Renjun’s apartment, “I don’t deserve to be happy after what I did to you.”

 

“Wow, the Renjun I know wasn’t a martyr. You sure have changed for the worst,” Renjun forgot how painfully blunt Donghyuck could be as well. “The boy I fell in love with at 18 wasn’t some weak ass shit who’d let his past get the best of him. Are you sure you’re not a clone?”

 

Finally, Renjun managed to smile, “Yeah, the real Renjun got taken away by alien life forms when you left him at a cafe after your break up. They replaced him with a walking emo mess.”

 

Donghyuck managed to laugh which caused Renjun to laugh as well. Gosh, he missed this.

 

“Be happy, Junnie. Find someone who doesn’t scare you into thinking they’ll leave you. Find someone you’re sure would stay,” said Donghyuck.

 

“Thanks, Hyuck”

 

 

* * *

 

 

On Monday, everyone could sense how awkward it was between Renjun and Jaemin. Whenever Jaemin wanted something clarified, he’d ask Jisung to tell Renjun. When Jaemin would complain, Jisung would cower standing in front of Renjun. Every reply the intern would stutter, not wanting to be the one receiving the creative director’s harsh replies. Sometimes, Jisung would ask Chenle to relay the message, knowing Renjun had a soft spot for the young boy.

 

“Hey boss, is your fight with Jaemin hyung really that bad?” Chenle asked after the sixth message he had to relay. “I mean both of you had been arguing before but it’s never been this bad.”

 

Renjun sighed before giving his reply, “It’s nothing. It was my fault actually. I just want to give Jaemin his space for a while. I also want to clear my head before I talk to him.”

 

“Okay,” Chenle knew better than to pry. They had a big project coming up with 127 Enterprise’s new product launch, so the last thing he needed was to stress his boss out by bringing it up. Jaemin, himself, was working on a different project, working on an innovative e-commerce mobile application for a supermarket.  The week was too busy for them to get over what had happened.

 

However, sometimes, Renjun would sneak a glance at Jaemin.

 

They had a new intern that day. A girl at that. She was beautiful, to say the least. Chenle said her name was Kim Doyeon, an IT student from Fantagio University. Ten had told Jaemin to coach her on her task as an intern and Renjun would be lying if he didn’t feel a pang of jealousy every time she and Jaemin would laugh or smile at each other. Somehow, they got along easily that when they played around, Renjun could hear their laughter from his desk.

 

At lunch, when he encountered Doyeon at the pantry, he didn’t bother to acknowledge her presence, even when she greeted him. It was petty. Renjun didn’t understand why he was that way. So instead, he brushed it off as stress and focused on the executions for the campaign.

 

Later in the afternoon, a couple of minutes before his meeting with two of their studio’s heads, Jaemin finally approached him and the first thing he’s said all day was, “Why are you pissy around the new kid?”

 

“I’m pissy around everyone. She’s nothing special,” Renjun replied, refusing to look at Jaemin.

 

“Is this about last Saturday?” Jaemin sounded frustrated as he leaned against an empty desk beside Renjun’s.

 

“You’re the one avoiding me, Jaemin. You’ve been sending Jisung here like he’s some sort of messenger boy. Talk to my face, the boy has other tasks to do,” Renjun snapped, his eyes shooting daggers as he glanced at Jaemin. “And I’m busy. If you want to talk about feelings, we can talk about it when our jobs aren’t at stake.”

 

“Better yet, we shouldn’t talk about it all,” the tone in Jaemin’s voice was icy as he left Renjun and went back to his station.

 

Great, now he hates me even more, Renjun thought, sighing in dismay.

 

The next person that entered his office was Jeno, looking displeased as he leaned against the doorway. “A little birdy told me you and Jaemin have been suffocating the whole office,” said Jeno.

 

“That little birdy can find a new office,” Renjun replied.

 

“The little birdy is Ten,” Jeno cackled, leaving Renjun speechless.

 

“What do you want, Jeno? I don’t think anything you’re going to say is going to convince me to talk to Jaemin when I’m tied up in this project.” Other than Jaemin, Jeno was the only one who could tolerate or maintain unaffected by Renjun’s pissy attitude. It was also due to the fact he and Jeno had been friends since high school and roommates in college.

 

“We’re just worried Renjun. As you said, our jobs are on the line too. If you and Jaemin don’t try to make an effort in making up, what’s the point?” Renjun had stopped working altogether to focus on Jeno. The man was now sitting in one of the swivel chairs next to his desk with a lollipop at hand from one of Renjun’s candy bowls.

 

There was a long pause before Renjun replied, “Do you still like Hyuck?”

 

Jeno was caught off guard by Renjun’s question, a little stunned for a moment but reply with another question, “What does Hyuck have to do with this?”

 

“Nothing,” just in time, Renjun’s phone rang to signal that it was time for their meeting. “Let’s talk later,” he picked up his laptop and phone and exited the room, leaving a confused and slightly annoyed Jeno.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jaemin thought that it sucked. It sucked how even when he knew it was Renjun’s fault, a part of him still wanted to reconcile because he missed him. Fuck, he missed him so much he wondered when it was going to end. But a part of Jaemin was still prideful, thinking he didn’t want Renjun to think he was okay with how he treated him. It had been a day and maybe a couple of hours since they last fought and gosh, he wondered when he or Renjun would just cave in.

 

Jeno had caught on with his restlessness, seeing the sour look on his face after his talk with Renjun that afternoon. “What’s going on with you both anyway?”

 

“Ask your friend. He’s the one being extremely difficult,” replied Jaemin. He was already finishing up for the day while his interns were now packing and preparing to leave the office. “You think something happened between him and his ex yesterday?” It was frustrating how scenarios of Renjun and his ex being together kept playing in his head. And he’d be lying if it didn’t hurt him, to the point where his eyes would spill a few tears every now and then.

 

There wasn’t a reply from Jeno. Somehow, Jaemin could sense a tinge of hurt from his expression as well. But Jaemin didn’t want to pry.

 

“Who knows, really? Anyway, I gotta go. I still have to feed my cats,” said Jeno. “Take it easy, Jaemin” he gave Jaemin a light pat on the shoulder before joining the interns as they exited the office. Jaemin was left alone with his thoughts again. Renjun along was still in a meeting with the higher-ups of the studio. It had been three hours since there were still in the conference room. He could hear the sounds of laughter every once in a while, so he wondered what they were talking about. Also, he wondered if Renjun was finally going to come up to him and they could hang out again.

 

Frustration surged within him again, thinking how his thoughts were going round and round in circles.

 

A couple of minutes later, Renjun and the other heads of the studio walked out of the conference room, still chattering and laughing before bidding each other goodbye. Jaemin fixed his eyes on his monitor, feigning to watch one of Gordon Ramsey’s youtube videos. He looked at Renjun from his periphery and heard him tell Ten that he was leaving first since he was going to meet someone. Renjun left the office without even sparing Jaemin a glance.

 

Ten approached him with a knowing look, leaning on the empty wall next to Jaemin’s desk. “You guys are seriously burning up the office with your tension here,” his boss sighed. “Can’t you boys just make up and make out? But not in the office, of course.”

 

Jaemin sighed as well, “It’s just complicated, hyung. I also don’t want to be a pushover, you know? I also want to stand my ground.”

 

“It makes sense really. But is Renjun really worth your pride?” Ten asked. “I’m not saying you should tolerate it. I’m saying you should talk about it. Like adults do. Not teenagers.”

 

“I know. It’s just..” Jaemin hesitated. It was Renjun who was being difficult in this whole situation. As much as Jaemin wanted to talk about it with him, it always felt like Renjun was deliberately trying to make the distance. “It’s difficult right now.”

 

“If you say so,” Ten decided to resign from the whole issue, packing his things as well before exiting the office.

 

Then, Jaemin was left to think all by himself inside the empty office. He almost wanted to cry. For years, never would he have thought he would feel like this toward anyone. Na Jaemin, the rational, level-headed guy who always had a smile on his face, felt like he was about to implode because of some boy who, at first glance, screamed complexities and heartbreak. But Jaemin got lured in because damn, Huang Renjun was also more than his complexities and strict demeanor. He was brilliant, so fucking amazing, and the most adorable human at times when he thought the world wasn’t looking. He wiped off the stray tears from the corner of his eyes that threatened to stream down and slapped both his cheeks hard enough, thinking it would get him to snap out of it.

 

“Get a grip, Na Jaemin.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Renjun had decided to meet Donghyuck once again, but this time, out of a business setting. They met at a fancy French restaurant, eating some overpriced dinner. It caught Renjun by surprise when Donghyuck sent him a message during his meeting, asking him to dinner. He thought the next time he’d be seeing Donghyuck would be during the product launch, but here he was, asking for Renjun’s time outside of business. “I was surprised you asked me out on a date,” Renjun almost wanted to slap himself for his supposed joke, but luckily Donghyuck took it lightly and played along.

 

“Yeah well, someone’s gotta make the first move,” he replied with a smile, one that probably would have made Renjun’s heart combust in the past. “How’s Jeno?”

 

I knew it, Renjun thought. “Somehow, I had a feeling it was all going down to this at one point.” If it wasn’t Renjun, then maybe it would have been Jeno that Donghyuck liked. He knew of his best friend’s crush on Donghyuck, even before they were together. But the selfish part of him didn’t want to give in. And maybe, a part of him wished he’d made way for Jeno instead after the shit he put Donghyuck through. “Do you want to meet him?”

 

For a while, Donghyuck was silent for a while. He took a few sips from his iced tea before giving Renjun his reply. “Nah, it’s fine. Maybe it’s better if we don’t meet yet. I don’t think I’m ready to face him.”

 

“There’s really nothing stopping you. The idiot hasn’t been in a relationship since college, and when women try to get his attention, he plays the oblivious fool and avoids them like a plague. Trust me, I think he still likes you,” Renjun couldn’t miss the hopeful expression obvious in Donghyuck’s expression. It was probably his time to make it right for the boy he loved and his best friend. “Tell you what, I’ll give you Jeno’s number, and maybe you can see how it works out for the both of you?”

 

“No, it’s fine,” Donghyuck told him, almost a tad bit dismissive. “We’ve moved on and even if what you say is true, Jeno’s in love with university me. Not me working ten hours straight even on Saturdays, barely keeping his social life afloat.”

 

It was true, Renjun realized. The Donghyuck that was sitting before him lived differently now, probably had new habits that he developed over time and liked different things now. The bit of lingering feelings he had was just a figment of his past that he couldn’t let go. Even if they were to start over or if Renjun decided to pursue him again, it would be different.

 

And then, out of nowhere, he thought of Jaemin.

 

“Why is it you always seem so down whenever we meet? Is there something bothering you, Renjun? Is seeing me making you uncomfortable?” Renjun hadn’t realized that it had been like that. And his mood wasn’t because of Donghyuck at all. It was because of him making this an excuse to build a wall between him and Jaemin. The invisible wall that Jaemin had been trying to break for months on end and Renjun was afraid that he would succeed in breaking. Now, with Donghyuck being around and reminding him of his faults, it was like gluing back the bricks again and laying down a line.

 

But why the fuck did it have to hurt?

 

“It’s not you,” Renjun said. “You asked me before if I was seeing someone. I said no, but the truth is, I’m not even sure if we’re dating. I get so scared of making the same mistake twice, Hyuck. I can’t do it to him.”

 

“Then don’t” Donghyuck replied. “Prove yourself wrong.”

 

There was a bitter smile on Renjun’s face, unable to trust himself with such conviction. “I don’t know, Hyuck.”

 

“After we broke up, you know, I asked myself why you did what you did. And then, it came to me that maybe you didn’t love me enough to swallow down your pride for me. When you said that loving me was too overwhelming and that you did it, so you could prove something to yourself. I thought that if you loved me enough that shouldn’t have to matter. Maybe this time, it’s different with that guy. It’s worth the shot. Maybe this time you’d actually take a risk.”

 

It was a half-baked nod, Renjun was still apprehensive about confronting Jaemin and the feelings that they share. But instead of dwelling on the topic, seeing as how uncomfortable Renjun looked, Donghyuck decided to change the subject and spent the rest of the evening talking about the plans for the event (to Renjun’s relief).

  


* * *

 

 

Jaemin tried keeping himself busy. Since he had put off playing games after spending most of his free time with Renjun, he decided to pick up his console again and start a new campaign. Fortunately, he hadn’t gotten rusty and managed to finish each stage. A couple of hours later, he hears a buzz on his doorbell, pausing the game and wondering who could be at the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone. If it were Jeno, he would usually call Jaemin beforehand.

 

He half-hoped it was Renjun, but that would be wishful thinking as well. Instead, when he opened the door, he was greeted by Mark, a friend of his in college, and a box of pizza. “Hey bud, heard from Lucas you were having a rough day?”

 

With a small smile, Jaemin let him in. Mark was always that older brother figure who would check up on him every now and then. It was also pretty convenient for him since his roommate, Lucas, worked in the same company on him. So when Jaemin was down, Lucas would end up reporting him to him, and Mark would, one way or another, prod him to talk, mostly it involved giving him food.

 

“Is it that Renjun guy?” Mark asked, sitting on his couch and Jaemin’s controller.

 

“Obviously Xuxi’s reported it to you,” Jaemin replied dully, opening the pizza box and taking a slice. He decided to take a break from the game and let Mark continue the campaign. “It’s just...I don’t know, hyung. He told me to give up on him. Like the ‘you don’t deserve someone like me’ bullshit. It just sucks I guess.”

 

“That’s usually a line people say when they’ve already fallen for you but are scared to get way too deep,” Mark said. “Usually it’s because of a past relationship where they feel they weren’t enough or something. He seems like a lot of work though, are you sure you’re willing to pursue that?”

 

Jaemin sighed. At first, it didn’t matter to him. He was so focused and so determined to make Renjun see that it was possible to love someone like him - that he wasn’t a hopeless case. He thought that his efforts for a couple of months bore enough fruit, but right now, he felt like he was back to square one.

 

“I always thought it was okay, you know? Like I could take it. That if I made enough of an effort, he’d slowly warm up to me. But it hurts, hyung. When he’s growing distant, it hurts so much,” he felt like he was on the verge of tears again. It was the same every time. When he thought about Renjun, about why the boy he loved would never let him in even days upon days of effort, he always felt a huge thorn in his heart and the feeling of always wanting to cry. He wished he couldn’t feel anything anymore. He wished it didn’t have to hurt this way.

 

“Well,” Mark started, “It all comes down to the big question of is the pain worth it or not. If you love him as much as you think you do, he’s going to disappoint you. You’re both going to hurt each other in the process if it’s a two-way street. You’re never going to avoid that, but what determines if you stay together or not is if what you have is worth fighting for.”

 

Jaemin thought about it as he witnessed Mark finish a stage. Of course, there was no doubt he was willing to fight for it if he had it his way. But he wasn’t sure about Renjun. When his insecurities overwhelmed him, he wasn’t the confident and exuberant Renjun everyone in the office came to know. When Renjun’s doubts start to cloud his head, he was vulnerable; he would let his emotions get the best of him without thinking first, Jaemin knew that. He heaved an exhausted sigh and rested his back, lying loosely on his couch while staring at his ceiling. “I really don’t know what to do, hyung. I just miss him. And it’s only been 24 hours since we fought. I’m so fucking hopeless!”

 

“That’s really how love,” Mark stopped himself, glancing at Jaemin before turning to pay attention to the game, “Or whatever you call the thing between you two works. If you can’t handle the bad parts, how are both of you going to handle the really worse parts.”

 

Jaemin stayed silent, unable to answer Mark’s question. He knew that. The whole gist if it. Renjun had his baggage, and way too many times, he had warned Jaemin about it. But he didn’t know the gravity of it — not until the very person that he hurt had entered his life again.

 

“I really don’t know, hyung.”

 

* * *

 

 

It’s been a week and there was still no progress between Renjun and Jaemin. The office atmosphere still felt a bit stiff and even if they acted civil when they had no choice but to interact with each other, it still felt different. Everyone knew it was different.

 

It wasn’t this suffocating when they didn’t see eye to eye on something.

 

“Can’t you guys just make out and make up already?” It was break time when Jeno decided to drop by Renjun’s office while the Creative Director was working on the last minute preparations for another event that weekend for another client. He checked everything, from the guest list to the program, ignoring Jeno’s whining for the past five minutes.

 

“Renjun, can’t you see? Jaemin practically looks like a lifeless AI robot without you being his adversary!”

 

Renjun sighed in response, finally paying attention to his friend, “He’s managing fine without me. All his outputs are exactly as I requested and better, just as we expect from him. I don’t see why people have to breathe down our necks and keep getting into our business. We’re being professional.”

 

“Look, we’re just worried about you two, alright? I know it’s none of my business, but as your friend and his friend, it sucks seeing you both emotionally constipated looking like you both want to tell each other something but don’t have the balls to actually do it.” Jeno’s outburst earned a glare from Renjun.

 

“That’s rich, coming from you. I know you let Yukhei handle 127 Enterprise’s account because you didn’t want to meet Donghyuck. You” Renjun emphasized, “have the audacity to tell me I have no balls when you can’t even face him? Come on, Jeno. Enough with the hypocrisy.” Jeno sat in his seat in silence, almost caught off guard by Renjun’s come back. It was below the belt but it was true. Renjun had been facing Donghyuck the entire time they had to talk about the product launch while Jeno was avoiding him the whole time. He certainly had no right to tell Renjun what he was doing was cowardly when he was doing the exact same thing, even worse. Instead of responding, Jeno got up and left Renjun’s office without a word, slamming the door shut behind him.

 

That was two people he pissed off in the office. Great.

 

After taking a bite of his lunch, which was basically just two slices of a clubhouse sandwich he got from the cafe nearby their office, he went back to work, shoving off the conversation he had with Jeno at the back of his mind.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was already 11 pm on a Friday night, and he and Chenle were rendering the presentation since Renjun wasn’t all too pleased the last one they were working on. Chenle had finished his part of the presentation and Renjun had finished his. All that was left was to put both of them together. With Chenle working two nights over time, Renjun figured the kid really needed sleep. He was already wearing a face mask, looking sick from the fatigue. As much as he wanted the backup, Chenle had been working on multiple projects that morning, finishing everything to the last detail. The kid was talented no doubt about that, having a really great eye for design, and like Renjun, he really pushed himself to get the best output possible. But he knew for a fact how cut-throat this industry was and as much as they wanted to excel, Ten always emphasized that health always came first. No matter what.

 

“Chenle, I’ll take it from here,” Renjun said. He and Chenle decided to finish up their work at a 24-hour coffee shop to get their energy going. But Renjun knew Chenle looked like he was at his limit.

 

“It’s okay, hyung. There’s still stuff you might want me to change from my part of the presentation,” Chenle protested, coughing in between phrases, making Renjun all the more adamant to send him home. “It’s okay, kid. Just put all the files in the hard drive and I’ll take it from here.” Fortunately, Chenle did as he was told and gave in to Renjun’s request. While waiting for the files to be transferred, he called their family’s driver and asked to be picked up at the coffee shop they were in. To everyone’s knowledge, Chenle’s family was rich. Like, multi-million dollar rich, but the boy wanted to gain experience from working somewhere that wasn’t affiliated with his family’s business. He came in saying he wanted to make a name for himself. It was something Renjun really found endearing about him.

 

“Thanks, hyung, just call me when you need me alright?” Chenle told him.

 

“Gosh kid, who do you think you’re talking to?” Renjun smiled, “I can handle myself just fine.”

 

Chenle managed to laugh, “You’re right, I forgot I was working under the Creative of the Year 2019.”

 

“You flatter me way too much,” Renjun responded. A couple of minutes later, Chenle’s ride arrived at the coffee house and the boy bid his superior goodbye. Before he left though, Chenle still insisted that Renjun called him if he needed extra help to which Renjun conceded with a nod. “Yeah, yeah, no worries.” Renjun reassured him, “Just make sure to get as much sleep as you need okay? You don’t have to go to the event if you’re not feeling well. Remember, Ten hyung said health comes first, alright?”

 

Chenle nodded and went on his way. Just as Renjun was about to open Chenle’s files to put everything together, his laptop crashed. He restarted it a couple of times and opened his program but it would end up crashing again and again before he could even open their files. Of all the days his laptop decided to be inconvenient, it decided that it had to be on the night before an important event. He audibly groaned in an almost empty cafe and looked at his phone. He could contact his friends, but he knew most of them were busy with other projects. And then there was Jaemin, who lived a couple of blocks close to the cafe. Was Renjun ready to swallow down his pride just get something done?

 

**[Renjun] 1:00 am**

Hey, are u still up? My laptop crashed and I’m still working on the Hyundai presentation.

 

Apparently, he was.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Jaemin opened the door to his apartment, the boy was already wearing his specs instead of his contacts and his hair was adorably ruffled like he’d been racking his brain for another project. Renjun thought he was going to just burst, give in to his urges, and tackle Jaemin to hold him so tight just because he’d missed him.

 

Fuck, he’d missed Jaemin so much.

 

But rather than that kind of scenario, Renjun decided to keep his cool and settled with a “Hey, you busy?”

 

“Yeah, I was working on a freelance motion graphic project I needed to send in by Sunday, but you can use my laptop,” Jaemin said as he made room for Renjun to slip inside. It’s only been a couple of days since he hasn’t been to Jaemin’s apartment, but oddly, it felt like coming back home. He settled on the couch, placed his bag on the floor, and picked Jaemin’s laptop up from the coffee table. Jaemin returned to where his PC was, which was inside his bedroom, and left Renjun to himself in the living room. There was a tug in Renjun’s chest and he had to stop himself from following Jaemin. But first things first, he needed to finish the project.

 

Renjun wondered if Jaemin had changed his password. His laptop’s password had been Renjun’s birthday just so that he won’t forget it. When he typed it in and opened, relief flooded Renjun. ‘Okay, maybe he forgot to change the password.’ he couldn’t help it — not when Jaemin seemed like he didn’t want to breathe the same air as him.

 

Adding a few finishing touches and rendering didn’t take quite long. When the final presentation was finished, he saved it in his hard drive then proceeded to Jaemin’s room.

 

The boy was wearing headphones while using his tablet to design realistic-looking 3D cities on his screen. Renjun was always amazed at how Jaemin always had his own distinct style when he made his own independent projects. His earthy, rustic palette that always reminded Renjun of sunsets and his detailed strokes were soothing to the eyes, and though Jaemin has experimented on different color schemes and art styles, this was style was always his default, his signature.

 

Renjun sat down on Jaemin’s bed, waiting for the boy to turn his head and look at him. “Jaemin,” Renjun’s call fell on deaf ears. He wondered if Jaemin really was listening to anything. Usually, if he did, the sound would spill out of his earphones. “I miss you. I know I should have gone to you sooner but I was afraid. I was afraid that if I realized how scary it was to feel this way again, I’d fuck it up and lose you altogether. Seeing Hyuck, triggered the old me. The person I was who ran away because he knew that if anyone got a hold on him, they’d have so much power over him and he’d crumble the minute they left him.” Tears started spilling Renjun’s cheeks and suddenly it became harder and harder to breathe. “And all this time, my distance, my outburst, shit, Jaemin, I’m just afraid of loving you.”

 

These past few days Renjun had contemplated about it, assessing why he was feeling the way he was. The answer was right in front of him, but he always just refused to accept it — that loving Jaemin was both the easiest and scariest thing he could ever feel.

 

Jaemin had already left his previous spot and situated himself beside Renjun on the bed, hugging him close with tears also staining his cheeks. “You don’t have to be. Gosh, Renjun, I don’t know what the world has in store for us but right now, but I’m sure you’re the only one I want to be with right now.” He kissed Renjun’s cheek before looking him in the eyes. “I’m scared too because I’ve never felt this way about anybody before, but losing you scares me more. And if I’ll have to wait, I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you to have the courage to give us a try.” Jaemin clasped Renjun’s hand and pressed his lips against the boy’s hand.

 

“What if I’ll take too long? You’ll get tired of me,” Renjun whispered.

 

“As long as you’re by my side, I’ll be okay,” Jaemin replied, making Renjun’s heart almost ready to burst. He hasn’t felt this way in a long time — this relieved and elated.

 

And maybe, there was something about Jaemin that made Renjun realize that he never wants to lose him ever no matter what circumstance.

 

Jaemin was safe; he was stable. Having Jaemin’s arms wrapped around him almost felt like he had come back home.

 

“Plus, who the fuck will ever get tired of you,” and when Jaemin smiled (gosh, he misses it), Renjun couldn’t help but smile back. “Who else is going to have me on my toes?”

 

It was really unlike Renjun to initiate intimacy with Jaemin first. But for the first time, he does, planting a quick kiss on Jaemin’s lips, leaving the boy speechless. “Injun-”

 

“You don’t want me to?”

 

“Shit, this must be a dream,” Jaemin tackles Renjun down on the bed, cuddling him close. “I hope I don’t wake up” he whispers in Renjun’s ear.

 

And uncharacteristically like Renjun, he peppers Jaemin’s face with more kisses until they manage to fall asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

On the night of the Hyundai presentation, Renjun takes the stage, giving a short introduction on the story behind their campaign. He talks about dreams and how the core of the project is how he wants to talk about the emotion of a person who works his way up to the marks to create memories for the family that gave up everything for him and the family he’s working for in the future. A message he says speaks to the masses.

 

It wasn’t his first time presenting to people, but it makes him nervous every time. He spots Johnny and Ten along with the crowd, giving him a proud smile and thumbs up. He falters a bit and gives them an impromptu greeting before continuing his speech. As much as he would like to avoid public speaking, it was more or less part of the job.

 

Once he was finished, he heaved a sigh of relief, shook the hand of the next speaker, of course with a smile, and then walked down the stage to head on over to where the beverages were.

 

“You seem to be in a very motivated mood,” he turned around to see Ten giving him a knowing look.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Renjun replied coolly, finishing his glass of water. “Oh, and by the way, boss, I’m leaving early.”

 

“Oh? You usually finish up the event, got a date?” Of course, he’d think it was suspicious. But then, Renjun needed a break and if getting that break meant blowing his cover then so be it.

 

“I’m meeting Jaemin tonight. I already told the other organizers on Hyundai’s end I have something important to attend to, gave them the details of what happens next, and talked to the people handling the egress.” Renjun expected an eyebrow raise from Ten, probably a reply of knowing the lines of where his priorities should lie on this very huge event.

 

But instead, he got a smile and a pat on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Johnny and I will help out too. Take a rest, Injun. But don’t get used to it.”

 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So, if you want more or if you have something to say, that would be much appreciated. Might post a part 2.
> 
> [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/tsonlu) | [ Curious Cat ](https://curiouscat.me/tsonlu)


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